Mob Enforcer Game Review - gamegame

Mob Enforcer is one of the worst things ever made by another human being I first became aware of this game probably a few years ago now when people in comment sections started telling me to check it out and I took one look at the screenshots I knew what kind of game it was right away mob enforcer or Chicago enforcer as it was later known on the xbox is the first-person shooter developed by touchdown entertainment and never has the name of a developer being so inappropriate either anyway it was originally released for Microsoft Windows back in 2004 at a time when so many good first-person shooters were coming out I had what could only be described as a 365-day erection running on the Jupiter engine is about all it's got going for it considering otherwise it's really not all that remarkable and made by a development team that don't even have their own Wikipedia page huh what a bunch of losers I feel bad though knowing that there's probably some poor kid out there who bought this saw had it given to them as a present without anyone realizing what kind of mess they were getting into it's almost worth checking out though just for how bad it really is but don't let that make you ever look the fact that playing this game is akin to covering your gonads and syrup and crawling through a fire ants nest well let's slather those gonads up anyway and get crawling because playing it is exactly what I've gone and done now a few things worth mentioning about mob enforcer before we get into what first off this thing runs like absolute shit I never had issues running no landless forever - which is another game that uses the same engine but for some reason this thing just runs like crap there's constant stuttering with the framerate and some weird mouse input issues that causes aiming to feel really wonky and I've tried so many things to fix this I've changed my mouse as dpi settings I've tried v sync on and off I've tried forcing 60 or 30 frames per second I even tried a patch to update my registry that's supposed to fix Mouse acceleration issues with Windows 7 but none of that stuff worked outside of that though you'll see it's again that just shows a complete lack of effort anyone who's played no on this forever -is gonna remember that that game had an upgrade system and as you completed main insight objectives you'd earn points that you can spend on upgrading your health armor ammo and so forth now mob enforcer still uses that same system but without the option to upgrade it and it starts you off with the lowest possible rankings for all the beeps what this means is you're always struggling for ammo but most importantly you're always scrounging for health and armor and as a result you're gonna die a whole heap and then there's the shooting now when people talk about knife - no one's gonna look back on it and say how amazing its shooting was it was amazing fruits riding in comedy was amazing for its level design and the way it gave you a bunch of fun little gadgets and let you choose how you'd get through an area to complete your mission it adds so much character and personality and the way you Globetrotters from mission to Mission made it seem varied and interesting one mission you're driving aski mobile in Siberia the next year in the streets of India throwing bananas at police officers and even though the shooting mechanics were a bit wonky and not all that great it was acceptable because it didn't happen all that often in mob enforcer you're pretty much always in combat it seems every level you're getting attacked by half a dozen guys at once and you'll quickly see how shitty the shooting mechanics are after you've been melted for the 20th time by that group of tommy gun wielding mobsters that often spawn out of now here the whole thing reminds me of that one Chicago level from time splitters – but in that game it was ironically cheesy and cliche here with mob enforcer I get the they were trying to do it on ironically and that's a bad thing just give them a bit of Chicago lightning everyone's got these horrible accents that sound like they're doing their worst italian-american impersonation or like some kind of watered-down uninspired Andrew Dice Clay if you're radicular duck mob enforcer can suck my cock all in all there's only ten levels but these will each leave lingering thoughts in your mind like a public toilet leaves a lingering scent after it's been visited by a hungover construction worker and what am I supposed to do right so when mob enforcer you're playing is Jimmy the machine gun Demura and it starts off with Jimmy having to prove himself to Al Capone's don't ever to do this you gotta hunt down a Squealer by the name of needles Genaro but define where needles is hiding you've got to find and rough up a guy named mitts a two-bit hustler with an infinity for dames and gin joints first thing I notice about the game was that walking down the street with a weapon equipped makes the cops shoot at you which I actually thought was kind of neat like maybe this isn't gonna be a run-of-the-mill shooter so I started again with my weapon halsted and immediately I got ambushed by a few enemies I thought I'd run back to the cop to see if he'd deal with them but as you can see he couldn't care less until I pulled my gun out of course and then he arrested me that was about the most exciting thing that happened because overall this whole first level is pretty boring you just run around this giant city block getting ambushed by the same looking enemies over and over till you find the entrance to this speakeasy but to get in you need the password so I run to the other side of the goddamn level to find it getting killed by another cop because I forgot to holster my weapon before getting into the speakeasy where I find that needles is hiding in the ironically named lucky Motel at this point the game introduces enemies with shotguns which is good because the shotgun is vastly better than the pistol oh and I love to how it's literally the exact same weapon model from Nolan Liz forever - like they didn't even bother to try to reskin them anyway the second level is all about getting two needles room you do this by navigating the same looking three floors of the hotel where enemies keep spawning him like clock work and rushing your position if these guys aren't completely brain dead they're able to gun you down like they're fucking John wick or something after a bit of a detour where they make you go all the way back to the bottom floor I finally get into needles room and I get to kill him hey needles get a load of this enforcer isn’t needles why don't you come over here and lick my balls and tickle my ear so are your needles hey I got something for you he said my balls in your mouth now we're finally in Capone's good graces this time he wants me to head to the west side and deal with a bunch of bootlegging operations run by the Chen's Oh brothers this level is actually kind of fun though and a pretty neat idea so here you're moving around another city area finding five stores that you need to destroy and as you're looking for these stores you're avoiding the cops and killing the same six or so mobsters that seem to keep respawning inconstantly to attack you it's a combination of guys with pistols shotguns and tommy guns and you start to see really quickly how one side of the combat can be best strategy I think is to camp in the stores and just funnel them through the one door at this point we've pretty much got 90 percent of the weapons - yeah there am not a whole lot of guns to use in mob enforcer the tommy gun is easily one of the better weapons only because it has a hundred round drum magazine and it does decent enough damage after messing up the store fronts you then have to sneak into the nearby brewery to find the Chen's Oh brothers and this is where it's tough to get real because the brewery is that god damns laughter house where bad guys spawn in front and behind you incessantly expect to get blind side of the whole heap here and be ready to make liberal use of that quick save button because you're gonna need it once you finally reach the end of the brewery you take on the Chen's Oh brothers who are apparently twins because it's the same character model just used twice and these guys can soak up bullets like nobody's business at this point I unlocked a Browning automatic rifle as well which should have been a good thing but for some reason this thing has a three round burst which instantly removes any chance this game might have had of redeeming itself also it's the most stopped looking weapon model I've ever seen after that you've then got to blow up the brewery which lazily is just the exact same level as before but played backwards and this is done by planting five bundles of dynamite throughout the joint as you try to make your escape with mobsters spawning in expectedly at the same time unfortunately the feds are here too and you end up getting caught and locked in the slammer but no chill bitch Sal's gonna hold a Morrisey for some reason the tunnels underneath this place are a goddamn deathtrap someone really needs to get down there and do some maintenance work on these pipes why don't you come over and clean these pipes once you reach the street you've got to avoid the cops and reach a nearby safe house which is simple enough simply because for months you're not getting ambushed every two seconds then the next level is probably the most annoying one in the entire game now what you need to do sounds easy enough on paper you've got to pick up a bag of cash from a nearby dumpster to bribe the chief of police and then also get a police uniform from a laundry to sneak into the precinct without being detected but as you're searching the streets you're constantly getting attacked by easily a couple of dozen bad guys at once and they are relentless like the earlier level two cops are completely oblivious to enemy's attacking you and they won't do a goddamn thing like this guy look at him the problem too is that the enemy seemed to spawn in at complete random and often completely out of thin air frequently behind you also - it's the same city recycled from the first level like how lazy this whole level made mere think my life choices and if playing this game was really worth it and I'd have to be some kind of idiot to keep playing the game at this point you know what I mean eventually I got through it and found the police station and after bribing the chief you then have to sneak into the cells to kill some guy namedlechero who Capone is word is gonna turn informant again like finishing off needles in the first job that he just stands there and accepts his fate he probably wants to be erased from the game and I don't blame him after this you're back to wrecking storefronts for Capone another five just like last time though now the goal is to break into the safes in the office of each shop and still some cash in fact about the whole game you're always finding cash though it's never said what this is actually used for outside of effecting the end level score a score which is about as meaningful as drinking food coloring then marveling at the fact that now your piece is a different shade of yellow yeah anyway this is again the same city from the last level repeated and just like before you are consistently being attacked by droves of enemies literally a dozen at once I'm not an enforcer I'm a one-man killing machine how does organized crime still even exist in this city with the amount of people I'm killing here during this level you'll also get the hunting rifle returning again unchanged from north -and this thing seems pretty decent because at least it can kill enemies in a single hit but the slow firing rate and reload time makes it about as useful as fart flavored air freshener can I also say again how disappointed I am how they butchered the browning automatic rifle in this game like Vito Corleone a says in the godfather look at how they massacred my boy anyway after clearing out the five shops wiping out another few dozen mobsters at this point it's amazing any of them are still left finally Capone wants to meet us in person so we head off to his suite at the Lexington steel hotel as soon as we get there though the Paris cut bombs go off in the places attacked by Johnny Tyrell oh and his men first we've got to restore power to the building which is done by heading to the basement then we've got ten minutes to find and defuse a bunch of bombs around the hotel this isn't too hard though because the ticking from the bombs is so loud you'd probably have to be deaf to not hear it when you're close by once we reach Capone's suite though we find he's been tied up by Tyrell oh and we have to whack him in another boss fight torella then starts throwing Molotov cocktails so quickly and efficiently you'd think it's some kind of Olympic event but is easy enough to kill then for the final mission in the game we've got to escort Capone out of the hotel which is yet again another level just lazily recycled like heating up two day old spaghetti bolognaise in the microwave again because you can't be asked making afresh batch though this level did add the benefit of making me laugh at this stupid prick doing somersaults down the stair case but finally we finished the game and what do we get for our hard work well how about just the logo for the game on a black background yeah that's all you're getting bitch - all that mob enforcer or Chicago enforcer whatever I'm supposed to call it was pretty bad I'd probably compare it to eating soggy cereal or having a catheter put in it’s a bare-bones lazy shooter that doesn't really add anything all that new or exciting to the genre and it takes what's probably one of the weakest elements of the Jupiter engine which is the shooting mechanics and turns it in to an entire game on top of that like I said earlier it runs horribly there's framerate issues the mouse input is as wonky as a shopping cart with three wheels and to simply make the game playable on any level required more screwing around than a night spent in a cheap hotel with your mum swaged about the only good thing that came out of this game was that it let me try to work on my voice impressions but aside from that it was a complete waste of time leave the game and share this post.